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Tips To Reduce Stress (And Legal Fees) During Your Divorce
Don’t be penny-wise and pound foolish.
Except in very rare circumstances, your failure to retain an experienced Family Lawyer to represent your interests is sure
to be a costly mistake. 25+ years of legal practice have proved to me, time and time again, that the cost of correcting a
mistake (when it can be corrected - and many cannot) is higher than the legal fees for having your matter handled correctly
in the first place.
This information is not meant to be a substitute for advice from an attorney.
1. Do not discuss specific settlement terms with your spouse until you have consulted with an attorney who is experienced
in Family Law. It is difficult to keep effective lines of communications open with your spouse if you agree to terms (and then
“change” your mind) that you later find out are either not acceptable to the Court or do not provide for a settlement which is
fair to you because you do not know the law.
2. Accurate information as to income, assets and liabilities is essential
in reaching an equitable division of property and determining child and spousal support (alimony). Please click the Link to the
Summit County Domestic Relations Court (http://www.drcourt.org).
Click on the Rules section and go to the last page of the Rules, which is a list of the basic documents that you and your
attorney will need to prepare your case for trial (or hopefully, for settlement). Gather these documents together while you
still have access to them. Make 2 copies of all the documents. Keep the original off premises and take the copies to your
attorney so that they can be provided to your spouse. Thousands of dollars are spent in divorce cases trying to present an
accurate picture of finances, based on documents that you have access to now, but which may “disappear” as soon as your spouse
knows that a divorce is likely.
3. Take a written and picture inventory of all your household goods, furnishings, motor vehicles (motorcycles, boats, ATV’s,
etc.) and other personal property. Have a friend accompany you while you make this inventory. Start at the basement all the way
to the attic, and don’t forget the garage and any storage unit you rent or other places at which you have property. If there
are items of unusual value (collectibles, antiques, etc.) try to provide pictures and identifying information as to those items
for valuation purposes. Have your friend sign and date the inventory in the event that items disappear (amazing how these things
get legs when marriages are having problems).
4. Prepare a short typewritten/computer-generated (3 or 4 page) chrononological history of your marriage so that it is easily
readable by your attorney. Remember that most attorneys are normally paid by the hour, so you don’t want them to spend time
trying to figure out messy handwriting. Include information on the reasons for the divorce, and any concerns that you or your
spouse might raise about the parenting ability of the other parent.
5. Remember, as a general rule, assets are divided as of the date your case is tried or when you reach a settlement with your
spouse. If you are making voluntary contributions to a Deferred Compensation program, IRA, 401-K program, etc., and if there
is not a dollar-to-dollar match by your employer, you might want to consider stopping your contribution.
6. Debts incurred during the marriage (regardless of whose name the debt is in) are normally determined as of the date of
filing of a divorce action. Notify (by certified mail, return receipt) any joint creditors that you will no longer be liable
for charges which your spouse makes on any joint account after their receipt of the letter. This will not affect whether
charges made by your spouse before the divorce is filed are considered “marital”, but may limit your liability to the creditors.
Remember, you have a contract with your creditors, and your creditor can choose to pursue collection on a joint account against
either you or your spouse, or both of you. Even if the Court determines that your spouse is to service a joint debt, their
failure to pay will affect your credit. It is a good idea to obtain a credit report from all three of the major credit reporting
agencies (TransUnion, Experian, and Equifax) and provide these to your attorney (after checking closely for inaccuracies).
7. Read your attorney’s fee agreement closely, and request that you receive a copy of all papers
filed with the Court,
correspondence between attorneys, and any other documents in your file. It is important to understand that your attorney cannot
guarantee a result for you, as they do not write the law and are not the decisions makers. They can, and should, explain the
laws relating to custody, child support, spousal support (alimony) and division of property and liabilities, as well as
explaining the procedure and policies in the County where your case will be filed (the process can vary greatly from county to
county).
Understand that for many questions (ex. how much child or spousal support will I get/have to pay) there are no simple answers,
particularly early on in the divorce process when all necessary financial documentation needed to answer these question may well
not be available. Write down the questions you have for your attorney to discuss at your meetings (in person and by phone).
Remember, as most attorney’s charge in increments of an hour, it is critical that you use their time (and your financial
resources) wisely.
8. If you have minor children and are separated, and assuming that your spouse is an adequate parent
(they don’t have to be perfect to be the parent that your children love and need), encourage regular and consistent contact. The
Court, in determining custody, looks at whether a parent is facilitating visitation. If you have legitimate concerns for the
health and safety of your children, you need to document these concerns and start legal action as soon as possible. DO NOT have
your children around special friends until your marriage is ended. This may be a more difficult time for them than it is for you,
and introducing third parties into their lives at this time will only complicate matters legally as well as emotionally for all
concerned.
9. If your children, or you, are having difficulty coping with the problems in the marriage, consider counseling. Seeking
counseling is not considered a weakness by the Court. Involve the other parent in the children’s counseling if recommended by
the therapist.
10. Begin keeping a diary of events as they happen. Documentation is essential in and after a divorce (particularly if you have
children, for the Court will retain the power to review parenting issues and support while the children are minors). Memories
are faulty, particularly in times of stress, but if you make notes of events when or soon after they happen, you will later
be able to refer to them (even years later) to refresh your memory.
11. Consider mediation (or the collaborative
divorce process) to deal with at least your children’s issues (even though your entire divorce may be mediated by these
methods, called Alternative Dispute Resolution). This does not mean that both you and your spouse do not need an attorney to
advice you as you go through mediation (in the collaborative process you and your attorney and your spouse and their attorney
will always be meeting jointly). However, mediation often keeps the emotional heat in a divorce turned down, and can frequently
save considerable money. Discuss these options with your attorney. Here are some links to sites that will
explain mediation and collaborative divorce are listed below, as well as links to other sites that you might find helpful.
Be honest and co-operate with your attorney.
Please, remember that your children most likely feel more “out-of-control” than you do while going through this process. Reassure
them that both you and their other parent love them, and that they will not “lose” either of you. The basis for the quality of
your new “relationship” with your children’s other parent is formed during the divorce. That relationship will last during your
lifetime, so do all you can to get it off to a good start!
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